48 Years and Still Counting

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48 years is almost half a life time…..and when you are married that long sometimes it feels that way, honestly. You really do get to know someone inside out. You can instantly tell what he will do or say over certain things. For example I put on a TV show I know he would not want to watch while he is outside doing something. I think to myself….”When he comes back in he is going to say “Who put this crap on?” He returns later looks at the TV and says “Who put this crap on?” After 48 years not only is the honeymoon over, I now put those memories in the ancient history category.

You know the honeymoon is over when in bed he throws the covers over your head and holds it down tight, then lets one rip as you gasp struggling to breathe again.

Here are some other ways you know the honeymoon is over:

When you fart in a chair and he asks you to get up to see how big the hole is; or tells you you kind of lifted off a bit with that one……or if it happens while you are walking, he says  “Wow..the jet propulsion there pushed you forward a bit, didn’t it?”

Talking dirty in bed means shouting obscenities when he hogs the blanket

You used to walk hand in hand, now you run to keep up.

When he “lends” you 5 bucks, he expects it back.

Saying “I’ll take care of bedtime” is foreplay.

PMS lasts all month.

Your jumbo box of absorbent Maxi pads is on open display.

He yawns when you bitch about that guy at work hitting on you.

You’d rather spend quality time with your vibrator.

Regarding sex, your get up and go got up and left and you realize it’s time to unfasten the handlebars from the headboard.

Dinner and a movie is now Netflix and takeout.

Your husband no longer jokes about having extra people join you in bed.

He trims his nose hairs as you clip your toenails and neither of you thinks it’s weird.

Candles are lit only when the power is out or when he’s polluted the bathroom.

Clothing optional days now only apply to the toddler in your home.

Besides the list of how to know honeymoon is over, here is a list of signs you’ve been with someone for too long:

When you watch your beautiful wife turn into her mother.

You wake up with messy hair and stinky breath without feeling awkward.

At anniversary times you celebrate still being alive rather than your wedding.

You walk around the house braless and sometimes even at the stores.

Because he doesn’t get out a lot, you sit through his telling his life story to every new person we meet. I keep asking him to spare me and get a bio typed up to hand out to people. Hasn’t happened yet.

You can fart whenever you want without feeling embarrassed.

You leave the door open while peeing.

You finish each other’s sentences.

You can pick your nose in front of your partner.

When your wife requests a golf cart for her birthday instead of jewelry.

When your husband shushes you because the cat is eating and your talking might disturb her……and he pets the cat more than you.

when “In the mood” means …we’re getting brownies

I guess this isn’t the most exciting picture of long-term marriage; but the very things that seem ordinary or even boring can also be comforting through their familiarity. Why would I want to leave him only to be forced to break in a new guy all over again?? That’s a lot of work and we’ve already put in our share. Besides that, he is very good to me and shows me love in many thoughtful ways, so I’m going to keep him til death do us part. Many older marrieds mourn the passing of the days of passion, but love changes, it morphs into a different kind of love, but it is love nonetheless.  Many divorce seeking that fresh excitement with someone new and many find someone else.  Thing is after being married to Mr. Wonderful for awhile they realize they are right back to where they were with spouse #1.  See what I’m saying?

There is a favorite saying I share with engaged couples, newlyweds, and long time married couples: “Whenever you have one of those moments where you ask what ever possessed me to marry this person…remember he/she thinks the same about you.” Kind of gives you a fresh perspective, Si? No?

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